Sidewall bringing brisket to TR, #yeahthatHYPEmachine, NYT on Stormy Daniels GVL visit

Score another one for the Greenville News’ . The go-to source for new foodie news in our little patch of green greatness, Callum-Penso has all the deets on the Sidewall Pizza team’s new Travelers Rest barbecue joint, Monkey Wrench.

Sidewallers Loren Frant and Andy O’Mara have brought on the Lazy Goat’s Steven Musolf to oversee all operations for the burgeoning empire, and right now, the trio is still crafting a menu.

But the Monkey Wrench team already knows one thing for certain: they’re going to focus on brisket.

As pulled-pork diehards-turned-Texas barbecue converts, we can’t applaud this enough. Bring on the burnt ends.

Speaking of monkey business, a Greenville Zoo orangutan escapes from his pen … again.

Yes, we know orangutans aren’t monkeys. They’re great apes. And one day they’re going to take over this planet. At the rate we’re going, that could be next Tuesday. Friday at the latest.

The number of Democrats running to unseat Republican Trey Gowdy is growing. Lee Turner, Chris Chastain, and Will Morin have already thrown their blue beanies into the ring, but now you can add J.T. Davis to the race.

Davis told the Anderson Independent’s Kirk Brown he decided to run because he gets “tired of yelling at the television.”

We know the feeling.

However, we’d be remiss not to point out Democratic political consultant Tyler Jones’ words of wisdom for anyone considering a run for office.

Sorry, Greenville. We know how much you love getting national press.

And we know how much you liked hearing last year’s news that you were the fourth-fasting growing area in the nation, but we’ve got sad news for you: We not even among the Top 10 metros that people are moving to.

To make matters worse, our South Carolina sister city Columbia comes in third overall followed behind Colorado Springs, Colo. and Virginia Beach, Va.

Some please inform the #yeahthatHYPEmachine to ease off the pedal.

Hypemachine Take Two: Downtown Greenville has long since needed a convention center. And if it hopes to truly capitalize on its new go-to-destination status, it’s going to need the kind of facility that can attract big-name conventions, your E3s and ComicCons and the AVN Entertainment Expos. (OK, maybe not that last one.)

Those types of conventions require massive centers — we’re talking facilities in the 1 million to 2.6 million square feet range. Even our TD Convention Center of Pleasantburg comes in around 400,000 square feet.

All of which makes a recent gushing GVLtoday post about the newly announced Greenville ONE Center rather perplexing. The daily newsletter reports:

You might remember some debate in 2016 over whether a new conference + convention center could be coming to downtown Greenville. Now we know: the answer is yes.

The Greenville ONE Center will be on the second + third floors of the ONE building downtown. Inside, you’ll find 36,000 sq. ft. of Class A+ meeting space (including multiple meeting rooms), a 274-seat auditorium, breakout rooms, and a catering kitchen + cafe.

Wait, wait — 36,000 square feet? That’s over 350,000 square feet less than our already undersized convention center.

The cheerleading doesn’t end there.

The pom-pom squad even goes as far as to suggest that this 36,000 square feet space “could be a huge boost for Greenville’s economy.”

Relax there, kids. Your bold-caps bloomers are showing. We don’t want you to go full-ALL CAPS now.

Stormy Daniels was in town last week, and the New York Times has a rather fun account of the porn star/alleged Trump paramour’s Greenville visit. Matt Flegenheimer reports:

Women swaggered by in tights, leatherette and heels that could dent metal,
brushing past a vending machine that spits cigarettes. Bartenders shooed too-stingy
visitors from the good seats, returning $15 in singles for a $5 drink order paid with a
20, and mouthing the lyrics to “Super Freak.”

Dancers pawed playfully at their prey, flipping their hair at patrons like a fishing
line.

“All right — one,” a member of the news media relented eventually,
disappearing for a few minutes as a dancer led him to a back room. She returned a
short while later to flip her hair at the other scribes.

Other requests were less typical of the place. Suzanne Coe, 52, a local pub
owner, hoped Ms. Clifford might sign her copy of “Fire and Fury,” by Michael Wolff,
the lacerating, if error-specked, insider account of the Trump administration.

There was a time when we put a lot of stock in rumors that Nikki Haley had an affair with notorious Palmetto State blogger Will Folks and political operative Larry Marchant.

But in the years that followed, the story seemed more and more unlikely, especially as Folks’ account of their affair only yielded one episode of semi-heavy petting — and not the promised tell-all book.

So we have have trouble believing the latest allegation that Haley is currently engaged in an affair with Donald Trump. 

For one, it’s gross.

And two, these are the types of smears that are designed to derail ambitious women with promising careers still ahead of them.

Look for this rumor to be trotted out again in the future by both Democrats and Republicans, especially if Haley runs for president.

Jealousy is a powerful drug.

***

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The South Carolina Democratic Party has a problem, one that few are willing to talk about it.

No, it has nothing to do with the fact that Democrats are willing participants in a gerrymandering scheme to ensure that certain figures continually get re-elected or certain districts remain in Blue State hands. (Although we should address that at some point)

And it has nothing to do with the party’s persistent need to present one-and-done senior citizen lambs for Election Day slaughter.

This year, it appears the Dems are actually fielding a field of young politicians who potentially have long political careers ahead of them, even if they don’t win this year. (OK, the cranky old folks are there too, but at least there’s some fresh meat to chew on.)

The problem that Palmetto State progressives have to deal with is the SCDP’s preferred way to disparage Republican opponents: Hint that they’re gay.

Former Democratic chair Dick Harpootlian proudly bashed Lindsey Graham by proclaiming that he was “too light in the loafers” when Graham was running for Strom Thurmond’s vacant U.S. Senate seat. (Over the years, Lindsey has been the persistent target of gay rumors.)

Harpootlian later set his homophobic sights on former state Senate President Pro Tempore Glenn McConnell.

Dick attacked the noted Confederate cosplay buff McConnell by once again touching on rumors about a politician’s sexuality, saying:  “Lt. Gov. McConnell also dresses the part, wearing a Civil War uniform and prancing into Civil War reenactments every weekend.”

All of this was particularly rich from a man whose very name sounds like a sex act.

Dick’s successor Jaime Harrison wasn’t much better.

In an attempt to criticize Graham and U.S. Sen. Tim Scott’s votes against protections for LGBT federal employees, Harrison decided to remind the public about rumors regarding their sexual orientations.

Harrison wrote: “Senators Graham and Scott’s opposition to this common-sense, pro-family and anti-discrimination measure is both bizarre and hypocritical.”

Now, there’s a new homophobe in the Democratic Party high chair, Trav Robertson.

Just yesterday, Robertson decided that the best way to attack Gov. Henry McMaster ahead of his State of State speech was to — you guessed it — call him gay: “Will Henry be the pandering pansy or will he stand up to Trump and Sanford to stop offshore drilling?”

Enough people. There is simply no place for this type of name-calling in the Democratic Party.

You simply cannot have gay rights as part of your party platform and engage in this type of behavior. You. Can’t.

Please stop now before you dick harpootlian your own party. —Wyatt Duvall

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