Trump strumpet Stormy Daniels is coming to Greenville

Saturday night, Greenvillians will get a chance to see the porn star at the center of the latest Donald Trump shame-o-rama scandal — Stormy Daniels — in person and up close. Really, really, really, really, really, really, really up close.

The star of such notable X-rated hits as The Witches of Breastwick, Porking with Pride 2, Spreading My Seed, Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, and Pussy Sweat will be dancing at Greenville’s Trophy Club.

And the Trophy Club gang is more than happy to tap into that Trump connection to woo Upstate residents to their Airport Road establishment.

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According to a recent Wall Street Journal report, the president of the United States of America paid the director of Sex Door Neighbors, $130,000 to keep her mouth shut about a one-night in-out, in-out session with The Donald, a man who has been accused of sexually assaulting numerous women and raping his ex-wife Ivana.

However, the most damning allegation against Trump was reported by Newsweek last November. According to Newsweek:

In 1994, Trump went to a party with Jeffrey Epstein, a billionaire who was a notorious registered sex offender, and raped a 13-year-old girl that night in what was a “savage sexual attack,” according to a lawsuit filed in June 2016 by “Jane Doe.” The account was corroborated by a witness in the suit, who claimed to have watched as the child performed various sexual acts on Trump and Epstein even after the two were advised she was a minor.

“Immediately following this rape Defendant Trump threatened me that, were I ever to reveal any of the details of Defendant Trump’s sexual and physical abuse of me, my family and I would be physically harmed if not killed,” Jane Doe wrote in the lawsuit, filed in New York.

The lawsuit was dropped in November 2016, just four days before the election, with Jane Doe’s attorneys citing “numerous threats” against her.

And then there’s the Steele dossier, which reports, among other things, that Trump was provided with Russian hookers while on a trip to the former U.S.S.R. To make matters worse, he was reportedly videotaped urging them to piss on a bed in which former President Barack Obama had slept.

Yesterday, In Touch magazine published an account of some of the alleged details involving the Trump and Stormy tryst.

The only question that remains now is which Greenville reporter will be assigned to visit the Trophy Club on Saturday.

Not this guy of course. I’ve got an aversion to buffet bars and baby powder. —Wyatt Duvall

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